You are opening up more and more. You are becoming clearer each day. Embrace the changes taking place. They are good. They will last. They will take you and your life to someplace new, someplace you can't fully imagine now beacuse it's so different from where you have been.
All will be changed. You love, your life, your friends, your work. Your quiet moments and your time of sharing. your playtime, your rest time. Your atitude will change. Your ability to fully and joyfully experience your life will change.
Things that used to bother you, hold you down, hold you back will easily roll off you. Problems that used to plague and pester you, making you feel weighted down, will be lifted easily. You will know and trust the answers you need will come to you.
Your powers will increase. You will find yourself doing, knowing, and feeling things that you thought only certain others could do. You will find yourself gliding through life in a way that brings you joy, and teaches and heals others.
You will laugh alot. And yes, you will cry alot, too, because an open heart feels all it needs to feel. But you will not think twice about your emotions. You will feel them with the purity of a child and the wisdom of a sage. You will see, touch, taste and feel life's magic in a way you never imagined. You will love, and you will be loved. And you will learn that it is all the same.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dear Kristine, as the song “Letter to Me” goes; “If you could write a letter to me… and send it back in time to myself at seventeen” This is that letter for you… only at 28 instead. You wanted to know what you were like after your injury in 2006 and how you handled the hardest and lowest points after the injury that ended what should have been a career life in the ARMY.
I remember the morning that you got home, in late November you were happy to see your family, on the inside though, you were wondering how they felt about you receiving discharged for a foot injury, would they be disappointed, angry, both possibly?
Fast forward to later that year, your parents were in the middle of building their “dream” home… One that was for them, not you. You could visit and stay at when you wanted, but not permanently. You were working a job that you loved, Head over heels in love with your beau Rich. You had looked at the potential of moving down to Indianapolis to be closer to Rich and his family, and it looked as though it was a good opportunity. In August of 2007 you decided that it was time for a change of scenery. You packed up for a weekend, headed south to Indianapolis, and began the search for a place and a Job. Job and Place, check you found those. The following week you gave your notice at Exel, and were ready to move.
After a quick move to Indianapolis you began your job with ConAgra, you thought that you would have enjoyed it. You were quick to find that foot injury and a 475,000 sq foot warehouse was no match for a job requiring a large amount of walking. All the walking led to more pain and struggling to keep pace. You were offered a position with Eli Lilly through Helmets to Hardhats in late 2007 and you were quick to accept. You were working for them when “Lowest point 1” happened.
“It” is the first car accident you had in late 2007, on your way to work from a Dr’s appointment for my foot injury. You were going and the light in front of you turned from green to red, not yellow. You slammed on your breaks but there was no time, you tee-boned a older model Ford Pickup truck and then were bounced off his rear bumper. In essence you double tapped, Airbags deployed, and knocked out for a few moments. The next thing you remembered was being checked on by a Metro police officer who asked if you were okay. Taking a quick inventory of your body, there was no blood, of evidence of broken bones, just some Airbag burn on your chin and arm. After getting out of the car, looking around you were devastated. HiHoSilver, your GrandAm was totaled. Although you were not at fault, you felt as if you were. You called your mom and dad, and Rich, thankfully he came and got you and took you to go get your rental car. After which, it was decided that you would stay with Rich’s sister for the night so you could go get checked out at the hospital, in case you had any injuries. The Dr. said you would be sore for the next few days and other than that, you were fine. The following day after you had let work know you would be in, another blow came; you lost the position with Eli Lilly. So, for the next week you took it easy and recovered, you had decided to go north to Valparaiso and see your parents and work out what you would do for a car… Thankfully, your parents had an extra car that they were willing to give you. Their 1996 Blazer, it was older but still ran remarkably well.
After about a week, you found a few temporary jobs that covered the bills that you had, and gave you a little bit of spending cash.
The Major Lowest Point
After several months in Lebanon, you were offered a position at Marion County Juvenile Facility where Rich worked. You talked to him about it and it had been decided you would work at the Indianapolis Girls School instead of working at the same place as he did. You by now had been living with Rich, for about a month and my birthday approached. By this time, you had finally made some new friends and around the middle of March you were headed home from your friends place, and all set to go home, you had another accident, this one not as bad, but still a downfall on a mountain you had been climbing since your discharge in 2006. After this accident, things began to fall apart with your beau and you were looking for a way out. Right after your birthday in May, Rich made a way for this to happen; he packed your stuff and packed your car. You were devastated and with nowhere to go you headed back toward Lebanon, IN where you stayed for a few days until you sorted things out. After this blow, you decided to head back toward Valparaiso, and see if you could find a place and a job once again in your hometown. You found a place, but had no luck on the job front. Therefore, you worked on improving the landscaping at the apartment in exchange for rent payment.
Also during this time, you began to volunteer at the Animal Shelter, working as a foster mom for orphaned kittens and other small animals. All of this worked for you until the fall, when work ran out, as did the money, faced with eviction you packed what few belongings you did have and began the struggle of living out of your car, which with the challenge of having your foster kittens still made for a difficult decision. It was time to give up fostering and help your kittens find permanent homes. With the last of your fosters re-homed and given a good chance at life, you turned to your own survival and needs… You were in essence “homeless” your pride to strong to take help from anyone unless you absolutely needed it. Sleeping in your car for 2 months in late 2008, you knew that with the holidays coming up and such that you would have a place over your head and that, you would be safe. During Christmas that year your friend Melaine asked if you wanted to come and visit in January and stay as long as you contributed to the house. You obliged, You left to pick up your friend up from O’Hare on December 29, 2008 and headed for Minnesota. You stayed there for about 3 months and helped your best friend through what would be the worst time in her marriage. Your time in Minnesota taught you so much about serving others that you knew it was time to come home.
You left for Indiana on March 14, 2008: Coming home to Indiana seemed like the logical thing to do… Well, in fact it was, though your parents were mad as all hell when they found out what you had been up to for the past 3 months… While they thought you to be in Indianapolis, they were crushed when Mel called and asked if I had made it home yet? They were befuddled! Not to mention disappointed. So there you were again without a home. You decided that you could couch surf until you found a permanent job and settled down. So, you went back to the Animal shelter and continued to volunteer and started looking for jobs. About 2 weeks went buy and you had heard of a program called Americorps, they were looking for summer volunteers at a number of locations. You applied the next day and, were accepted for the summer program, your volunteer location would be determined during the first week of Americorps, and you had some good ideas of where you would like to serve.
That summer is where your life began to change for the positive. You were no longer focused on surviving but thriving. Having been given the Americorps service term you spoke with your parents and they agreed to allow you to stay in your room at the house. Working long hours with Americorps serving at Health Linc a small non-profit in Northwest Indiana, you found yourself again.
Fast-forward to the present- When I look back over the past 5 years of what has been a painful down-fall after my military service. I can now look back and honestly tell myself and others like me what we need to do to get out of that dark and “deadly” place. First, you have to remember that YOU are the only one who is in the driver’s seat, we hold the wheel of where we go in life. As Mary Pickford said, ““If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.” I for a while chose to stay down, call it fear if you must. But, I was afraid of what anything new would do in my life. I had family and friends that came along side me, although the trust was broken, time and diligence on my behalf has mended the fences in my life. Granted some of the bridges I have burned have cost me friendships that were dear to me and I thought that I could not live without. I was so wrong, having those friendships out of my hands, is what allowed me to begin to move on in 2009-2010. Take these words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., ''Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.'' - Martin Luther King, Jr.
So keep these things in mind when you look back:
Live in the active voice, rather than passive. Think more about what you happen than what is happening to you."-William de Witt Hyde
"The true test in life does not occur when all is going well. The true test takes place when we are faced with challenges." Catherine Pulsifer, from All is Going Well
I remember the morning that you got home, in late November you were happy to see your family, on the inside though, you were wondering how they felt about you receiving discharged for a foot injury, would they be disappointed, angry, both possibly?
Fast forward to later that year, your parents were in the middle of building their “dream” home… One that was for them, not you. You could visit and stay at when you wanted, but not permanently. You were working a job that you loved, Head over heels in love with your beau Rich. You had looked at the potential of moving down to Indianapolis to be closer to Rich and his family, and it looked as though it was a good opportunity. In August of 2007 you decided that it was time for a change of scenery. You packed up for a weekend, headed south to Indianapolis, and began the search for a place and a Job. Job and Place, check you found those. The following week you gave your notice at Exel, and were ready to move.
After a quick move to Indianapolis you began your job with ConAgra, you thought that you would have enjoyed it. You were quick to find that foot injury and a 475,000 sq foot warehouse was no match for a job requiring a large amount of walking. All the walking led to more pain and struggling to keep pace. You were offered a position with Eli Lilly through Helmets to Hardhats in late 2007 and you were quick to accept. You were working for them when “Lowest point 1” happened.
“It” is the first car accident you had in late 2007, on your way to work from a Dr’s appointment for my foot injury. You were going and the light in front of you turned from green to red, not yellow. You slammed on your breaks but there was no time, you tee-boned a older model Ford Pickup truck and then were bounced off his rear bumper. In essence you double tapped, Airbags deployed, and knocked out for a few moments. The next thing you remembered was being checked on by a Metro police officer who asked if you were okay. Taking a quick inventory of your body, there was no blood, of evidence of broken bones, just some Airbag burn on your chin and arm. After getting out of the car, looking around you were devastated. HiHoSilver, your GrandAm was totaled. Although you were not at fault, you felt as if you were. You called your mom and dad, and Rich, thankfully he came and got you and took you to go get your rental car. After which, it was decided that you would stay with Rich’s sister for the night so you could go get checked out at the hospital, in case you had any injuries. The Dr. said you would be sore for the next few days and other than that, you were fine. The following day after you had let work know you would be in, another blow came; you lost the position with Eli Lilly. So, for the next week you took it easy and recovered, you had decided to go north to Valparaiso and see your parents and work out what you would do for a car… Thankfully, your parents had an extra car that they were willing to give you. Their 1996 Blazer, it was older but still ran remarkably well.
After about a week, you found a few temporary jobs that covered the bills that you had, and gave you a little bit of spending cash.
The Major Lowest Point
After several months in Lebanon, you were offered a position at Marion County Juvenile Facility where Rich worked. You talked to him about it and it had been decided you would work at the Indianapolis Girls School instead of working at the same place as he did. You by now had been living with Rich, for about a month and my birthday approached. By this time, you had finally made some new friends and around the middle of March you were headed home from your friends place, and all set to go home, you had another accident, this one not as bad, but still a downfall on a mountain you had been climbing since your discharge in 2006. After this accident, things began to fall apart with your beau and you were looking for a way out. Right after your birthday in May, Rich made a way for this to happen; he packed your stuff and packed your car. You were devastated and with nowhere to go you headed back toward Lebanon, IN where you stayed for a few days until you sorted things out. After this blow, you decided to head back toward Valparaiso, and see if you could find a place and a job once again in your hometown. You found a place, but had no luck on the job front. Therefore, you worked on improving the landscaping at the apartment in exchange for rent payment.
Also during this time, you began to volunteer at the Animal Shelter, working as a foster mom for orphaned kittens and other small animals. All of this worked for you until the fall, when work ran out, as did the money, faced with eviction you packed what few belongings you did have and began the struggle of living out of your car, which with the challenge of having your foster kittens still made for a difficult decision. It was time to give up fostering and help your kittens find permanent homes. With the last of your fosters re-homed and given a good chance at life, you turned to your own survival and needs… You were in essence “homeless” your pride to strong to take help from anyone unless you absolutely needed it. Sleeping in your car for 2 months in late 2008, you knew that with the holidays coming up and such that you would have a place over your head and that, you would be safe. During Christmas that year your friend Melaine asked if you wanted to come and visit in January and stay as long as you contributed to the house. You obliged, You left to pick up your friend up from O’Hare on December 29, 2008 and headed for Minnesota. You stayed there for about 3 months and helped your best friend through what would be the worst time in her marriage. Your time in Minnesota taught you so much about serving others that you knew it was time to come home.
You left for Indiana on March 14, 2008: Coming home to Indiana seemed like the logical thing to do… Well, in fact it was, though your parents were mad as all hell when they found out what you had been up to for the past 3 months… While they thought you to be in Indianapolis, they were crushed when Mel called and asked if I had made it home yet? They were befuddled! Not to mention disappointed. So there you were again without a home. You decided that you could couch surf until you found a permanent job and settled down. So, you went back to the Animal shelter and continued to volunteer and started looking for jobs. About 2 weeks went buy and you had heard of a program called Americorps, they were looking for summer volunteers at a number of locations. You applied the next day and, were accepted for the summer program, your volunteer location would be determined during the first week of Americorps, and you had some good ideas of where you would like to serve.
That summer is where your life began to change for the positive. You were no longer focused on surviving but thriving. Having been given the Americorps service term you spoke with your parents and they agreed to allow you to stay in your room at the house. Working long hours with Americorps serving at Health Linc a small non-profit in Northwest Indiana, you found yourself again.
Fast-forward to the present- When I look back over the past 5 years of what has been a painful down-fall after my military service. I can now look back and honestly tell myself and others like me what we need to do to get out of that dark and “deadly” place. First, you have to remember that YOU are the only one who is in the driver’s seat, we hold the wheel of where we go in life. As Mary Pickford said, ““If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.” I for a while chose to stay down, call it fear if you must. But, I was afraid of what anything new would do in my life. I had family and friends that came along side me, although the trust was broken, time and diligence on my behalf has mended the fences in my life. Granted some of the bridges I have burned have cost me friendships that were dear to me and I thought that I could not live without. I was so wrong, having those friendships out of my hands, is what allowed me to begin to move on in 2009-2010. Take these words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., ''Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.'' - Martin Luther King, Jr.
So keep these things in mind when you look back:
Live in the active voice, rather than passive. Think more about what you happen than what is happening to you."-William de Witt Hyde
"The true test in life does not occur when all is going well. The true test takes place when we are faced with challenges." Catherine Pulsifer, from All is Going Well
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